Agony Aunt Sabrina talks Life, Escorts and Coming Out

Sabrina answers your questions on life and trying to come to terms with life’s ups and downs

When I was 28 I came out to my parents (who were divorced and both re-married I might add), anyway my father said some really horrible things at the time and basically in a ‘roundabout’ way made it really uncomfortable for me to see my little sister who was 3 at the time. Me and my dad have not talked since that day however my family and friends think I should get in touch with him but I just don’t want to. He really hurt me and made it impossible for me to see my sister and I missed her growing up (can you image how resented I feel?). I just can’t wait for my sister to turn 18 so I can speak to her and explain my side. I’m just frightened that after such a long time and what will have been said to her  – how should I tackle it?

Mmmm…. Family politics can be so draining sometimes huh? I absolutely understand you resentment towards your dad for making it difficult for you to have a relationship with your little sister.

I get the impression you are still very angry. This is understandable; however, I think you should consider whether your resentment towards your father is worth any more lost time with your sister?

I know that this can appear hard to swallow, and I appreciate that he wasn’t supportive of you and that there have been further impacts on other relationships as a result of his response to you, when you ‘came out’. I know it’s easier said than done, but don’t let this be the focus of your dilemma.

If other members of the family are keen for you to build some bridges, perhaps you could enlist their help to make things easier. You could suggest meeting your sister round one of their houses. Choose a family member that you feel comfortable around and trust, so that you and your sister can relaxed and have the space you need together.

This could also slowly help you and your dad build some form of relationship. Doesn’t always work out that way, granted, and it may take time. But it sounds like you have a good support network with friends and family, should you need it.

I feel the most important outcome is for you and your sister to get to know each other and build a relationship. Anyway, you clearly think so to or you wouldn’t have written to me! Good luck x

I’ve almost (95%) made my mind up I want to become an escort. A mate of mine does it and has a great life, loads of money, treated all the time, and obviously more. I just wonder how I’m going to tackle telling my friends what I do? I don’t want to lie, but what will they think of me?

The issue I want you to consider initially and seriously is why you are contemplating this decision to become an escort in the first place. You say that you are only 95% sure. When embarking on such a serious decision, nothing short of 100% certainty is acceptable.

Consider also that ‘everything must come at a price’. Are you confident that you could deal with any emotional feelings afterwards? Because, remember, this form of ‘role’ is more a lifestyle than a job.  Your friend may be, ‘treated all the time’; and ‘have a great life’ etc. But do you truly believe that this lifestyle will genuinely make you happy?
If so, ensure you keep yourself safe and healthy. Make sure somebody knows where you are at all times and keep yourself protected.

As for your friends? If they are true friends they will support you and appreciate your honesty. It would be naive to suggest that they may not be shocked, and you will have to allow them time to get their heads around it. Perhaps only confide you feel you can trust/will support you. Good Luck x

It’s just been confirmed by my doctor that I have HIV, which as you can imagine has turned my whole life up-side-down. My biggest worry is telling people and what the reactions might be – people can be very blunt. I’m also thinking I’m 33 and will I now ever find anyone to love and that will love me?

I really feel for you. Sometimes things happen in our life which knocks us sideways… The first thing you must do is allow yourself time to digest and accept your diagnosis. Ensure you use the support available and enable yourself to find a manner which enables you to cope with your situation. There are many organizations that can help you to do this. Your doctor will be able to help you with this further.

As for telling people; you do not need to tell anyone unless you feel you are ready, need or want to, and not until then. Don’t add any unnecessary pressure to yourself.

The people who, love/care for you will only support you in every way they can. If people are negatively ‘blunt’ in any way, you really don’t need them around you. The people who love you will help you become stronger, and these are your true friends and the ones you must concentrate on.

As for your fear of not falling in love again and vice-versa?  I assure you that once you have had time to come to terms with your situation, you will see that you can find a way of it no longer being such a daunting obstacle. Let nature take its course… True love isn’t conditional! Take Care x

If you would like to email your question to Sabrina email features@onenationmagazine.com

We cannot guarantee that all messages sent will be answered. Answers should be taken light-heartedly, this area is for fun and entertainment. Just Sabrina will help with common sense advice where possible, but advice should be sought from a professional where needed.

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