Cross-dressing, A Surprise Dinner and Deception

Dear Sabrina – Please, please help! I came home early from a shift at a restaurant that I work at and found my boyfriend in the bedroom with another guy both of them dressed as women… I was stunned! All I could do was scream and shout, it was the shock. In the rage I kicked my boyfriend out, bags and all. Now it’s been two weeks and I’m starting to miss him. He has told me if he comes back I have to accept his new found friend and passion (as he calls it). I just don’ know if I can… any advice?

Sounds like a very difficult situation.  There’s two ways of looking at it.  He went behind your back and hurt you, ultimately.  So you don’t have to accept his terms if you want him back.  If he can’t promise you that this won’t happen again then you may need to move on to someone who deserves you and has the same degree of committal as you when it comes to a relationship.  It’s only been two weeks, it’s quite normal to pine and it always gets worse before it gets better.

The other way of handling this may be controversial.  You have to think about how much you love him and how much you’re willing to sacrifice to be with him.  If your love is unconditional you can have a go at accepting this side of him and try out an open relationship.  You may find that the pair of you have the best of both worlds and eventually the new found friend might go his own separate way and the passion he speaks of was just a passing phase.  Maybe the cross dressing is a fetish you can explore together.  By choosing this option, you are actually in the driving seat because if you just can’t get used to it and you’re fed up with a one sided relationship, at least you can say you’ve tried and move on knowing that you did everything you could and he didn’t really bother.  Perhaps it’s worth a go, but remember, this is not a decision to be taken lightly so you must know if you’re strong enough to do this before you do.

Dear Sabrina – Me and my newly moved in boyfriend Mark (we have been together 3 months) had organised a dinner party for my two best friends, two of his and my brother and his girlfriend – “the first meeting” so to say. Anyway, organising it all went well and I got all the food ready and prepared. At 8pm everyone started to arrive and then Mark announced he had arranged someone to wait on us, I was shocked (thinking in the back of my mind it must be a mate of his I had not met). Not 5 minutes later the doorbell went and two lads (18yrs max) were standing on the doorstep. I greeted them and asked if they were here to serve dinner – they said yes and asked where the kitchen was telling me to leave them to it. As anyone would be i was a little worried and told Mark so. He told me not to worry he had used them before (i guess now i should have guessed what was coming!). We sat down for dinner and then around the dinning room door came the two lads stark naked serving the food… I’m sure at that point i died. My best friends were stunned as the boys squeezed in-between them to serve the food. All I remember is shouting “STOP RIGHT NOW” ushering them both out to the kitchen coats on and out the door, soon followed by my friends and family who didn’t know what to say. We of course argued him then telling me him and his ex used to do this all the time!!! He then told me hadn’t asked them to stay for sex after this time though… OMG I just blew a fuse! Anyway is this normal? Is it something that goes on everywhere? I haven’t seen my brother in 3 weeks, as I don’t know what to say to him? Ideas Sabrina?

Oops, poor judgment on his part.  He should have made it clear exactly what he had planned before embarrassing you like that.  It is common courtesy.  But even though the situation itself is not normal I think it’s quite ordinary for a couple in the early stages of a relationship to cross wires and make assumptions about what the other likes or doesn’t like.  With regards to sex afterwards, perhaps he was testing the waters or maybe he brought that up to make light of the problem and make himself appear like it could have been worse!  Anyway, I’m assuming that three weeks later you and your partner are still living together and have got passed this within yourselves?  When it comes to your brother and your friends I’m sure they will understand that it wasn’t your decision to have naked waiters!  You shouted out and stopped the situation, which should show them that you were just as uncomfortable with the situation as they were.  Pick up the phone and apologise on behalf of your partner, get straight to the point.  It’ll be awkward but it’ll be worth it.  And make sure your partner tries not to embarrass your guests next time.

Sabrina – I have split up with my boyfriend of 15 years as a couple of months ago he told me a long complicated story about how he was robbed on the way to paying our rent.  Other stories included money going missing at home, my bank card disappearing and yes you got it I later discover through a friend he was actually gambling. We split up but now a few months later he is claiming he is clean and wants to get back together. He has bought me gifts, flowers, aftershave, lunch on occasions and more. Today however i discovered he is dating an older rich guy who’s given him a credit card. I have confronted him and he wants to have both eggs in the basket so to say. Do you think i should find this guy and tell him what a lowlife my ex is?

So you don’t want him back then?  I think it may be worth contacting this rich guy, not so much as to say that your ex is a lowlife, but that he needs to protect his assets and cancel the card.  Clean or not I think it’s risky for someone with a known gambling problem to be in control of a credit card.  There is a good chance he is only with him to feed his habit.   But at the end of the day, your ex had a problem.  He has had to deal with it without you and you don’t know for sure if he’s dealt with it properly.  If his addiction is stopped once and for all he might not want to be with this new bloke and there could be a real chance for you to be together again, if you wanted it of course.  Otherwise, steer well clear and warn the rich guy to watch his cash flow because your ex could be about to gamble his money away and is paying for gifts for other guys.

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